Did you know cowbirds find themselves too busy to raise their own children and lay their eggs in another nest, often booting one of the other mothers eggs out so she doesn’t get suspicious? Shoebills, though often only layed one at a time will have to kill off the weaker siblings if they want to survive. Pelicans in seasons of low fish population, will travel to nearby islands and eat other baby pelicans alive, to feed their own young. This is our world. Ruthless, damned to follow the most oppressive rulers, enslaved by natural desires that only strive to climb to the top, no matter who suffers. I have experienced this animalistic nature at its finest, from feeling like the bottom of the food chain, to overcoming desires from my body and withstanding abuse from those closest to me. Though young, I found most of my life to look like that of the unhatched weaker shoebill, knowing my fate was just to be eaten alive in a world that would never gamble on my survival. As optimistic as that sounds, it was all founded on what I knew to be true: I was objectively birthed in a home where I would not thrive. I was to be neglected and abused during the stage of my life where connection mattered most. I was then adopted and spent every moment until puberty fearing the world and thinking good things are only given to us to be brutally ripped away. Then the time of hormones struck and my life became a fog of depression and anxiety for the next ten years. A period or debauchery and evil that I can now no longer comprehend as a part of my life. Now I sit here after many failed relationships with my two children, one with a man that I have been madly in love with since the moment I had his child and another with a man who can’t love anything but himself. Both relationships ended by my inability to accept anything that doesn’t sit well with me. I am a single mother actively working to leave her job that fully provides for her with a dream of a family dynamic that I’ve never had and don’t really know I’m ready for. All of this said, today was a good day. My house is mostly in order, my toddler put her toys away and I didn’t cry today. I am here and whether you believe in God or not, I hope my story will bring you hope and be a testament to the God I know. Thank you for reading this and I’ll be back soon.